Don't Touch Me, Especially There
by Satan Abraham
Summary: What happens when you stick eight Arrancar in Karakura Town? Nothing good, and while the humans, Arrancar, and Shinigami are trying to figure out these stupid love triangles that pop up, the Twelfth Division is investigating the strange spiritual pressure. Will this end like the romantic comedy it seems to be... or will Akon just kill everyone?
1. Chapter One: From One Hell to Another

**And now we're starting this. :3 I'm not exactly sure how this will go, but… I'm pretty sure it'll be fun. :) Oh, and I am screwing with canon **_**a lot.**_

* * *

To be honest, I had _no _fucking idea what was going on when we were called to the meeting room. I mean, it's not like it was an Espada meeting; Aizen just had some pussy of an Arrancar run around, telling random Arrancars to come to the meeting room.

Unfortunately, me 'n Tesla were some of those Arrancar. So, after waiting a few minutes – what is punctuality? – we set off, taking our own sweet time.

We were the greatest Arrancar there, that's for sure. The only men, too, tough with Tesla's passive attitude I'm not quite sure he's actually got a dick. It was us, Halibel and her fraccion, this random chick I'd never seen before in my life… and then Grimmjow walked through the door, strutting in like he fucking _owned _the place. None of his fraccion were with him; thank God, they always manage to piss me off. Sure, Tesla's a fucking pansy, but at least he's not annoying.

That must've been everybody, because then Aizen started to talk. I blocked out most of it – paying attention's for suck-ups like Cifer and pansies like Tesla – but I did catch some of it. "You'll be stationed in the human world for a few months."

Honestly, that sounded like a _great _idea to me. Human world meant human chicks to fuck and human dicks to beat up.

"When're we going?" Grimmjow asked, leaning forward. I rolled my eyes. What a stupid question.

"Today. I have made arrangements for housing, but I'm afraid you'll have to make the money for everything else."

He gave us the rest of the morning to pack anything we might need – like any of us _had _anything but our uniforms and weapons – and say goodbye.

So, me 'n Tesla spent the time bothering those Arrancar chicks that I wasn't going tom iss. We were the last to the meeting room, even later that that stupid sexy Grimmjow – I did not just think that.

And even if I had, it would just be echoing other's opinions of him.

Aizen handed us each uniforms for going to _school. _He said that me, Grimmjow, and the one I'd never seen before – Luppi Antenor, I think? – were going to be in a certain Ichigo Kurosaki's clas.

Well. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

We got to the town… Karakura or something like that… around noon. Granz had provided us with gigais, and for the first time in a long time, I had two eyes. It was kind of weird, but, hey, whatever.

Halibel pulled out a list. Gotta say, I had no idea that she was so fucking sexy. I mean, everyone had noticed her boobs, but even her face was attractive, and generally I don't even look at faces.

"Jiruga, Lindocruz, Antenor, and Jaegerjaquez – you've got the house on the right. My fraccion and myself will be in the house on the left," she instructed. Hold on, wasn't Antenor a girl?

I looked closer at her.

Oh, shit, Antenor was a guy. There's a twist in the plot. And also a little disturbing considering how much the kid stared at Grimmjow.

I decided that I'd just ignore that.

Our house was pretty nice, despite all the unnecessary stuff around. I flopped down on the couch and, decided it was time to sleep.

* * *

Unlike Nnoitra and Grimmjow, who had crashed on the couch, or Luppi, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor, writing in something, Tesla decided to explore the house.

There were some stairs – leading to bedrooms, maybe? Tesla shouldered his bag and went up the stairs – quietly, so he wouldn't wake Master Nnoitra. He knew from experience that Master Nnoitra wasn't a fan of being woken up when he was trying to sleep. Of course, nobody was, but Master Nnoitra often got violent if he was sleeping and someone woke him up.

The first door led to a bathroom, the second to a closet, and the third to one of two bedrooms. Tesla decided that it would do and dropped his bag on one of the beds. He chose the one near the window – partly because he liked sleeping by a window, and partly because Grimmjow had convinced Master Nnoitra to watch horror movies from the world of the living with him and now Master Nnoitra refused to sleep by a window.

Of course, maybe Grimmjow and Master Nnoitra would share a room and he'd be stuck with Luppi. But he doubted it. Surely Master Nnoitra would only trust Tesla to sleep in the same room with him… right? Right. He was worrying about nothing.

Both beds were made, and both closets were empty. Tesla hung up his new school uniform in his closet and glanced around the room one more time. Two beds. Two closets. Two desks. All in all, completely boring and average. Maybe, once he earned some money, he'd be able to decorate a little, or at least paint the walls a different color.

His stomach rumbled and he decided to find the kitchen. He crept quietly through the living room – now Luppi was asleep, too, though he was on the floor. Master Nnoitra and Grimmjow were leaning on each other, and Tesla would have laughed if it had been anyone else.

The kitchen was stocked. On the fridge was a note in Aizen's handwriting – _I have helped you out by filling the kitchen, but you'll have to buy more when it runs out. Get a job. Yes, Grimmjow and Nnoitra, you have to get jobs, too._

On the top shelf of the pantry was a cookbook. Tesla had to stand on his tiptoes to reach it, but he managed to grab it without killing himself.

Now to find something to make…

* * *

Mizuiro twirled his pencil between his fingers, bored out of his mind. He glanced around at his classmates. Ichigo was looking out the window. Keigo was sleeping. Tatsuki was either drawing an offensive picture of someone or taking notes. Chad was paying attention.

"-and on Monday our class will be gaining _nine _new students!"

Mizuiro started listening.

"Every class is getting new students, but our class is getting the most. I'm not sure how we'll fit everyone in… but perhaps… oh, a few people will be moving to another class. Now, Orihime Inoue, Keigo Asano, Chizuru Honsho, Ryo Kuneida, and Yasutora Sado, you'll be moving to some different class. Not sure which, but I'll tell you Monday," Miss Ochi said, glancing down at her list. "Joining our class will be… erm… Luppi Antenor, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Nnoitra Jiruga, Rukia Kuchiki, Yumichika Ayasegawa, Ikkaku Madarame, Renji Abarai, Toshiro Hitsugaya, and Rangiku Matsumoto."

Mizuiro scribbled all of these names down. He'd take a picture of each of them when they arrived and add it to their page.

* * *

"Captain Kurotsuchi, we've got a large influx of spiritual pressure in Karakura," Akon said. His captain peered over his shoulder.

"Yes, Akon… why don't you go down there and check it out? I'm not requiring you to go to the school like everyone else does, but go see what's going on," Captain Kurotsuchi instructed. "Now, go pack. You're going to be staying there for a while, I believe."

* * *

**I hope this was at least a little interesting. :3 **

**Just so you know, there are going to be a lot of seemingly random pairings. Because those pairings are the best. **


	2. Chapter Two: Tesla's Girlfriend

**Oh, and just to say right here so nobody gets confused – if it's first person, it's Nnoitra. **

* * *

Mizuiro yawned, checking the clock again. It seemed like a tradition for the new people to show up later in the day. Honestly, he just wished they'd get here and get it over with. He glanced at Tatsuki. She was tapping her pencil against her desk, watching the clock as well. He smiled and glanced at the door.

And there they were.

Either that or a bunch of people were just randomly standing outside the door. "Oh! They're here! Okay… wow, there are a lot of you. I don't know how we'll fit you… but it should work, right? Right. Okay… Blueberry, you can sit in front of Mizuiro back there-"

"It's Grimmjow, not Blueberry," the blue-haired one snarled.

"Okay, Grimmjow, whatever, Mizuiro? Can you wave or something to show him where you are?"

Mizuiro raised a hand and Grimmjow stomped over to slouch in the seat in front of him. Upon closer inspection, Mizuiro realized that the boy was even more muscled than Ichigo, and that his hair was the exact same shade of blue as his eyes. That was a little odd. Mizuiro'd seen some weird hair colors before, but never a shade of blue _that_ bright.

"Mm… you-"

"Luppi Antenor."

"Yeah, Luppi… you can sit over there, by the window. Yes, in the front. Wow, you're tall…"

Mizuiro zoned out the rest, and ended up surrounded by the new people. There was the one in front of him, the tall one to the right of him, a rather… voluptuous woman to the left, and a bald guy behind him.

All of these new people were _weird_.

* * *

After school, Keigo felt the need to go find Mizuiro. It wasn't that they were dependent on each other, it was just really weird to be in a class without him. And some of the new kids were really weird. And one of them should be really happy that Tatsuki wasn't in that class, seeing as he was obviously interested in Orihime.

Surprisingly, Mizuiro was waiting outside the classroom when Keigo got out. He snapped his phone shut. "I heard you have new people, too."

"Yeah… they're weird. Four girls and one guy. All of the girls are _incredible-looking_, and the guy's moving in on Orihime."

"That him?" Mizuiro asked. Keigo looked around. Yeah, there he was. The blond one that was talking to Orihime, a light blush on his cheeks.

* * *

I decided to follow the tough chick to see if I could find Tesla. She looked like she was going to another classroom, so, hey, maybe that's where Tesla was.

And she'd just found Tesla for me. And kicked him in the face for me. How nice of her.

"Hey, what're you doing, bitch?" I asked. She glared at me and I smirked. I kinda liked her already. It would take a lot to tame this one. "Tesla, you okay?"

Tesla looked at me like I was insane. He probably had a good reason, too, seeing as I really don't care if he's 'okay.' He stood up, wiping blood from his nose. The hot, orange-haired chick he'd been talking to waved at him. "Bye, Tesla," she said, smiling softly.

Huh, maybe she was the tough chick's girlfriend. I wouldn't peg the orange-haired one for a lesbian, but the tough one? Yeah, maybe. Anyway, watching the two of them get at it would be fucking hot. But enough of that – what were we even doing here, again.

"Hey, Tesla, what're we even supposed to be doing here?"

"Keep an eye on Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki and kill anyone that gets in our way," he recited. I glanced around. There were too humans standing near us, staring.

"Fuck, Tesla, you can't say our mission in front of humans! Now we're gonna hafta kill 'em!" I said, taking a step toward them. One of them – brown hair, never seen him before in my life – scrambled away. The other one, the kid I sat beside in class, didn't even glance up from his… whatever it was.

"Don't kill me," the brown-haired one yelped, running away. The dark haired one glanced up at last.

"Oh. Keigo left. Which way did he go?" he asked me. I looked at him. Was he that oblivious that he'd missed the entire conversation?

"That way," Tesla said, pointing down the hall. The dark haired one smiled and walked away. I smacked the back of his head.

"Idiot, we're gonna have to chase them down to kill them now!"

* * *

The human world was certainly odd, Akon mused as he walked the streets of Karakura town. The spiritual pressure of the place was simply _fantastic_, almost to the point that it was a miracle that the place hadn't been destroyed by hollows. It was certainly overrun, but with all the other Soul Reapers he wouldn't have to worry about those.

What he would have to worry about was the fact that he was pretty sure that _a certain demonic bitch_ that had been missing for a century was around. He'd felt her spiritual pressure for a second, and he was pretty sure he saw her smacking around Shinji Hirako.

But that was probably just him hallucinating. Just because his former captain Urahara was here didn't mean that _she_ was here.

* * *

"Tesla has a girl-friend!" Apacci crowed, flinging an arm around his shoulder and grinning. "I didn't think you had it in you. Especially a girl as hot as that."

Tesla turned red. "She's not my girlfriend," he muttered. "I was just talking to her."

"Oh, c'mon, there's no way you can't be interested in a girl like that," Mila-Rose snorted. "I bet even Ulquiorra Cifer'd like her."

"Let's set them up on a date!" Apacci said, grinning. Mila-Rose rolled her eyes.

"Really? I thought you wanted Tesla all to yourself-"

"No! I hate Tesla! Look, I'm hurting him!" Apacci insisted, getting Tesla in a headlock to prove her point. Tesla was slowly turning purple.

"You're going to kill him," Sung-Sun observed.

"Oh. Yeah," Apacci said, letting the blond go. Tesla moved away from them.

"I don't-"

"Nobody cares what you want. You're getting that girl and that's final," Mila-Rose said, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him into the girl's house.

* * *

I was just minding my own business, watching TV with Grimmjow, when Tesla was shoved in, wearing the weirdest outfit. It was way more formal than anything I've ever seen him wear; long-sleeved blue shirt, black pants, it just looked weird.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" I asked. Tesla turned red.

"They made me wear it. And now they're making me go find Orihime."

"Why?"

"They… uh, what did Mila-Rose say… oh, yeah. They 'ship' us," he said. I cocked my head to the side. What the- what was a 'ship'? That made no sense. "I don't get it either."

* * *

Orihime was working on her homework when someone knocked at her door. "Just a second!" she called, closing her book and opening up the door.

Standing on the other side was one of the new people – the boy she'd been talking to. Suddenly aware of how stupid she looked in her t-shirt and pants, Orihime blushed. "Um, hello," she said. Tesla blushed, too.

"Sorry for showing up unexpected," he muttered, rubbing the side of his head. "I… some of the people I know kind of shoved me in these clothes and set me here."

"Oh, the girls? I talked to Sung-Sun and Tia, they seemed ice," Orihime smiled at him. He turned red again.

"Um. Yeah. So. I was wondering… do you wanna go on a walk or something?" he offered.

"Uh… sure! Just let me… get something better on," she said, slamming the door and leaning against it. _What do I do? What do I wear? _She ran over to her closet and dug through her clothes, eventually coming up with a passable skirt. She'd just have to wear the shirt she was wearing now. Okay. This was going to be okay. Why was she freaking out so much? It was just Tesla, she'd only known him for one day-

Ooh, she could wear that shirt.

Ten minutes later, she walked out the door. "There!" she said, smiling. He looked at her and blushed again. She blinked. What had she done that time?"

"Um- you forgot to- um-" he said, swallowing and pointing at her shirt. Oh… she'd forgotten to pull her shirt down all the way. She laughed and pulled it down. Oh no, that was bad. That was embarrassing. What was going to happen now? Was he going to think she was stupid?

* * *

Tesla swallowed and tried not to look at Orihime that much. He was pretty sure that he would… melt or something. He wasn't sure what was up with this. He was a _Hollow_, he didn't have… emotions or anything like that. It was just desire. Yep. Desire. For her incredible looks. Not only was she incredibly pretty… her… you know… yeah…

Orihime didn't seem bothered, just talking and laughing and once she even grabbed his arm to pull him toward one of her friends. They talked for a little bit to her friend – Tesla wasn't sure of the name, the girl must have been in a different class – and then headed back to Orihime's apartment. The sun was setting by that time.

"I had a really nice time," she said, smiling at him. He managed to smile back, kind of. It was probably more of a grimace. "We should do that again sometime?"

Tesla swallowed and nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah."

* * *

**And… I don't know where this is going.**

**At all.**

**But I've got sort of a plot.**

**Kind of.**

**So.**

**Yeah.**

**Have a nice week. :3**


	3. Chapter Three: Mizuiro's New Job

Now he was _sure_ it was her.

Akon wondered whether to go bother Miss Demon Bitch from Hell or just leave; after all, he'd changed a lot in the time that he'd been gone from the Soul Society. She wouldn't recognize him if she looked around.

The only problem was the fact that she was entering Urahara's shop, and Akon kind of really needed to talk to Urahara. He could go back later, of course, but-

"Akon! Come in!"

Fuck.

Akon sighed and entered the shop, a grinning Urahara prompting him along. Hiyori looked at him. "Who- oh, now I remember this one," she said, wrinkling her nose.

Akon nodded to her, maybe glaring a bit more than necessary. She hadn't changed at all.

"So, Akon, what do you need?" Urahara asked. Akon shot one more glare at Hiyori and crossed his arms.

"I've been sent here to investigate some strange spiritual pressure," he said. Suddenly, Hiyori jumped to her feet and crossed to stand in front of him. "What?"

She pulled his face down to her level. "You sure you're that annoying little prick?" she asked, leaning very close. Akon rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm just pretending to be him- yes, I am, _Lieutenant_," he replied. Hiyori studied him for a little longer, than hit him in the face with her shoe.

* * *

"Master Nnoitra. Master Nnoitra. Master Nnoitra."

Nnoitra rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in his pillows. "Dammit Tesla, lemme alone."

"But we need to go to school-"

"Fuck off!"

"Master Nnoi-"

Nnoitra, thoroughly sick of being woken up early – though he'd only been woken up early the day before – kicked Tesla in the face and went back to sleep.

* * *

Tesla cleaned up his bleeding face and glanced at his reflection one more time. Okay. School. He could do this. He had a friend already, he would be fine. Besides, he'd gone yesterday, why was he freaking out so much?

Because of Orihime, probably.

Well, since Nnoitra wasn't going today, it should be easier. People generally tended to avoid him if he was following around a giant spoon. Of course, Nnoitra didn't exactly look like a spoon in the human world, but the point still stood. People tended to avoid Nnoitra.

* * *

Class was boring, as usual. The tall one was missing today, Mizuiro noted. Everyone else was present, however, even though the blue-haired one was sleeping.

Something poked him in the back. Mizuiro glanced over his shoulder. The bald one was looking at him. "Yes?" Mizuiro asked quietly.

"We- I mean, me and Yumichika and the others – need to talk to you at lunch," he said. Mizuiro thought about it for a second, briefly wondered why, and shrugged.

"Okay."

* * *

Toshiro waited for the others and the human, yawning and feeling tempted to just leave. But he couldn't, he was on a mission and they needed to interrogate the human. Eventually, they showed up, the human in the middle of their group.

"So…. why did you need me?" the human asked.

"You had an encounter with the new students yesterday," Toshiro said. The human nodded.

"The ones other than you, yes," he said, pulling something out of his pocket. "I recorded the conversation, if you'd like to hear it?"

"Wow, he's more prepared than us!" Rangiku exclaimed. The human smiled and pressed a button on his cell phone.

"_Hey, what're you doing, bitch? Tesla, you okay?"_

"_Bye, Tesla."_

"_Hey, Tesla, what're we even supposed to be doing here?"_

"_Keep an eye on Substitute Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki and kill anyone who gets in our way."_

"_Fuck, Tesla, you can't say our mission in front of humans! Now we're gonna halfta kill 'em!"_

"_Don't kill me!"_

"_Oh. Keigo left. Where did he go?"_

"And that's it," the human said. "Do you need anything else?"

Toshiro glanced around at the others. None of them seemed to have any idea what was going on. He sighed. "No, I guess not. Just keep us posted on anything that you observe, okay? If you need us-"

"Me and Yumichika're staying at this brown-haired kid's house – Asano?" Ikkaku said. "Whatever, he's got an annoying older sister."

"Me and Toshiro are at Orihime's!" Rangiku chirped.

"And I'm staying at Urahara's," Renji said. "What's your name, kid?"

"Mizuiro Kojima," he said, smiling.

* * *

After school, Tatsuki decided to go for a jog. The new students were certainly odd, but that didn't matter much.

She was halfway home before she realized she forgot to go see if Orihime was okay. That blond pervert could be moving in on her in Tatsuki's absence, and while the kid didn't seem _too_ bad, his friend was horrible. Things like that had to rub off.

When she got back to the school, Orihime was gone. Mizuiro, however, was not. "Where's Orihime?" Tatsuki demanded. Mizuiro glanced up from his phone.

"Hm? Oh, she left with the blond one. They said something about going to get ice cream?" Mizuiro said, biting his lip. "I can't quite remember where, though-"

"You _better_ remember," Tatsuki snarled, taking him by the collar. Mizuiro raised his hands.

"Calm down, calm down, the little place by Orihime's apartment," he said. Tatsuki let go of him and he smiled. "Would you like to go there with me?"

Tatsuki blinked. "Um-"

"Don't worry, just for surveillance," Mizuiro said. Tatsuki nodded, and the two set off.

* * *

Orihime was pretty sure that Tesla liked her.

She also had no idea how to feel about this.

She really liked Tesla, she did. He was _really_ cute, polite, and overall a nice person. He'd even paid for her ice cream.

"So, where did you live before here?" she asked. He bit his lip and stared down at his hands.

"Um. It was this really… nondescript place," he said, managing another one of his grimace-y smiles. Orihime couldn't help but find his grimace-y smiles incredibly cute. "I mean. You've probably never heard of it."

"You're right," Orihime said. "I haven't been many places- oh, there's Tatsuki and Mizuiro! I wonder if they're on a date… I bet they're in love with each other… hi Tatsuki! Hi Mizuiro!"

Tatsuki came over to the two right away, shoving to sit in-between Orihime and Tesla on the bench they were sitting on. Mizuiro was over a few minutes later, holding two cones – a vanilla and a chocolate. He handed the chocolate to Tatsuki.

"Don't worry, I paid for it," he said, smiling and sitting down on the other side of Tesla. "Hello! I'm Mizuiro Kojima."

"Tesla Lindocruz," Tesla said. He looked rather uncomfortable. "Well, um, I better go. And see if Ma- uh, Nnoitra is up yet. He overslept this morning."

"Oh, is that why he wasn't in school?" Mizuiro asked. "Nnoitra is the tall one, right?"

Tesla nodded and left.

Orihime sighed. "I like him," she said. "He's-"

"I thought you liked Ichigo," Tatsuki asked. "Not that Lindocruz isn't cute, but… you just met him, 'Hime. And we don't know anything about him. He could be… he could be… a serial killer rapist for all we know."

Mizuiro laughed softly. "I don't think he's a serial killer rapist," he said. "But I've got to go now. I'll see you later, Tatsuki. Goodbye, Orihime."

Orihime waited until he was out of view before she attacked Tatsuki with questions. "Do you like him? Does he like you? Oh, he's in love with you, I know it! Your favorite flavor is chocolate, and he got you that! _He knows your soul."_

* * *

"You two should go spy on the girls," Urahara said, pointing at Akon and Hiyori. Akon looked confused.

"What?" he asked. Hiyori snorted.

"C'mon, don't tell me you won't enjoy it, pervert," she said. "But why do I have to get stuck with him?"

"Bonding time!" Urahara cheered.

* * *

Sung-Sun had decided to go for a walk to get away from Apacci and Mila-Rose's arguing. She was just going to wander around for a bit, look at the town… just get a feel of it. She didn't know how long they'd be staying, but she figured it would be a long time, if the amount of food in the cupboards was anything to go by.

Was that the Substitute Shinigami up ahead? Sung-Sun ducked behind a tree, just in case. My, he certainly was an attractive boy-

Focus, Sung-Sun, focus.

She swallowed and waited for him to pass her hiding place. Only problem? He didn't pass her hiding place and turned to look at her.

"Hey, aren't you one of the new kids in the other class? Orihime's class?"

Sung-Sun nodded and stepped out from behind the tree. "Yes," she said. "I am Cyan Sung-Sun."

Ichigo Kurosaki grinned. "Cool. I'm Ichigo Kurosaki."

* * *

**And there we go. :3 I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it made at least some sense. Cx**

**Have a nice week!**


	4. Chapter Four: The Wrong Bed

"Where were you yesterday?"

Nnoitra glanced up. That chick from 'school' – the hot lesbian-ish one. Of course the first day off from that hellhole he ran into someone. Standing a few feet behind her was the kid that never stopped playing on his… what did Tesla call them… cell phone.

Still playing with his cell phone, of course.

"None of your business," Nnoitra said. The girl rolled her eyes.

"Jiruga, right?" she asked. Nnoitra nodded.

"Yeah. Why do you care?"

"And your friend's Lindocruz? Tesla Lindocruz?"

"Yep."

The kid on the cell phone moved a bit closer. He tried to be discreet about it, and actually did a pretty good job – angry lesbian chick didn't notice a thing. Nnoitra glared at him. He didn't look up from his cell phone.

"That all? Then I'm gone," Nnoitra snorted, pushing past her, knocking the cell phone out of the kid's hand as he went.

"Bastard!" the girl yelled after him.

* * *

"It's fine," Mizuiro said, snapping the battery back into his phone. Tatsuki looked about ready to go and strangle the guy. "The battery just fell out."

"Yeah, but he's still a prick," Tatsuki muttered.

"I thought he was a bastard?"

"Shut up."

Mizuiro rolled his eyes and plugged headphones into his phone. He needed to make sure the recording was still there. He didn't want to send an empty recording to those other ones. Luckily, he'd hit the stop button as the guy was leaving, so it was fine.

* * *

Grimmjow celebrated his first weekend by sleeping until one o'clock in the afternoon.

Unfortunately, he woke up with _fucking Luppi Antenor_ in his bed. He could've sworn the kid wasn't in there when he fell asleep, but there he was, shirtless, sleeping on his stomach, one hand dangling over the side of the bed and the other on Grimmjow's neck. He was taking up way too much space for a guy that was as tiny as he was.

Grimmjow shoved him, hard, and then the kid was on the ground, tangled up in the blankets.

"Thank god I'm wearing pants," Grimmjow muttered. Luppi blinked sleepily up at him.

"What are you doing in my bed?" he asked.

Grimmjow glanced around.

Oh shit.

He was in Luppi's bed.

Luppi slept next to the window.

"Shit," Grimmjow muttered, standing up and backing away. Luppi watched him, smirking. "Shit, shit, shit, I must've just stumbled in at like three… didn't see you."

"Sure, Grimmjow," Luppi said, grabbing the blankets and sinking back into the bed. He was asleep in a matter of minutes.

"Didn't he go to bed at eight?" Grimmjow wondered aloud, wandering downstairs to find something to eat. He was fairly certain that nobody else was in the house, but he was proven wrong when he saw Tesla sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of something-or-other and working on his homework for the weekend.

Tesla glanced up as he entered the room and nodded to him. "Leftovers from lunch in the fridge," he said, returning to his work.

* * *

As soon as Grimmjow left the room, Luppi sat up. He actually hadn't been sleeping the entire time Grimmjow had been in his bed, but something - either a) his weird attraction to the blue-haired freak or b) the fact that he had no idea what would happen if he woke up Grimmjow – held him back from waking the guy up. It was just easier to feign sleep.

He was liking this little vacation to the World of the Living. Tesla had gone out and got a job working at a flower shop, so they had income. Sure, Grimmjow and Nnoitra each ate twice the amount that Luppi and Tesla did _together_, but they were doing fine.

Tesla poked his head into the room. "Hey, Luppi, I'm going out to buy paint so that we can make this place more interesting… what do you want your half of this room to be?"

"Red," Luppi said immediately. Tesla rolled his eyes.

"And Grimmjow said blue," he muttered. "Why not just make it purple?"

"Purple would work," Luppi said. Tesla glanced back out at the hallway.

"Nah, Grimmjow'd probably not like that," he said. "I can just get blue and red."

* * *

\Ichigo had been wandering around town when he saw that girl again. The one with really long, green-looking hair. She was pretty – a little weird-looking, with her green hair and purple eyes, but pretty all the same.

She'd been eating at a restaurant with three other girls that he'd never seen before. Two who were… well… bigger up top than Orihime, and one that looked kind of boyish. She glanced up and met his eye. He was pretty unsure what to do, so they just kind of stared at each other awkwardly until she excused herself from the table and made her way over to him.

"Hello, Ichigo Kurosaki," she said. She had the odd bit of covering her mouth while she spoke, he noticed.

"Hi," he said. They stood there awkwardly for a bit longer. "So… how's your day going?"

"It has been pleasant so far," she said. "And your day?"

"Pretty good, I guess…" Ichigo replied. "Tatsuki ran into one of the new guys – really tall and creepy looking? Mizuiro called me and told me about it."

"Tall and creepy looking?" Ichigo could've sworn he almost saw her smile. "Nnoitra Jiruga, then. He is known for being tall and 'creepy looking.'"

"Yeah," Ichigo said, rubbing the back of his head. "So… are you busy tonight?"

"I do not believe I have any previous arrangements, no."

"Wanna go for a walk, then?"

"I will have to check with Mi- Tia. I will have to check with Tia. Wait here."

* * *

Emilou Apacci was jealous.

Sung-Sun had sauntered over and asked if she could _go out_ with a _boy_. And not just any boy – a really hot boy. A really hot, orange-haired boy. Apacci scowled and watched as they left the restaurant, talking. That just wasn't _fair_.

"Seriously, aren't there any single guys for me?" she muttered under her breath.

Just then, a tall, red-haired guy entered the restaurant, obviously looking for someone. He was covered in tattoos, and Apacci found him just a little attractive.

"Never mind. See you later!" she said.

"Hey, have you seen an orange-haired punk around here?" the guy asked. Apacci scowled.

"What do ya want him for?"

"Need to talk to him."

"He went off with Sung-Sun," Apacci said. "I'm Apacci, by the way."

"Renji," the guy said absently, glancing around the restaurant again.

* * *

"Scoot over!" Hiyori hissed, shoving Akon over so she could better see through the window. She sat on him, peering through the binoculars.

"Get off of me!" he replied, sitting up and sending her crashing to the ground. They returned to the wrestling matches of one hundred years ago. He really shouldn't be so easily provoked. But with her, it was always way too easy to get riled up.

"People are staring!" she said, wriggling away from him. "They think-"

"They think we're doing weird things," he replied, dodging a punch. "Considering all they can see is our legs and there's definitely movement in these conveniently placed bushes we're in."

"Shit. No, we're not, though. We never would."

"Exactly. You're too ugly."

* * *

**Um. Yeah. I hope it was interesting enough. Cx**

**I say this again - I have absolutely no idea where this is going. **


	5. Chapter Five: Tatsuki is Not a Lesbian

"Can't we do it later?" Luppi complained, flopping down on his bed. His half of the room was splattered randomly with red. Grimmjow rolled his eyes and continued with painting. Unlike Luppi, he took a more methodical approach, apart from the random slashes that he did every once in a while to let off steam. "I'm sick of this."

"Shut up and paint," he said. Luppi sighed and stayed on his bed. "Seriously. It looks stupid."

"Not really," Luppi said. "Kinda like someone was murdered, but not stupid."

"Stupid."

"Murdered."

"Stupid."

"Murdered."

"Okay, shut up," Nnoitra said, walking in. "We can hear you, and it's annoying."

"You get Tesla to paint your room for you," Luppi muttered. "Can't he paint mine, too?"

"No. Now shut the fuck up and paint."

* * *

Kisuke Urahara facepalmed. "So this is why you didn't come back last night."

The two in front of him looked incredibly uncomfortable. Akon had a black eye, a broken arm, and multiple scratches all over his face and neck. Hiyori had a bruises, too, and her nose looked broken.

"He called me ugly-"

"Just defending myself-"

"I was defending my honor-"

"Exactly like when we were all in the Twelfth," Kisuke muttered. "I thought Akon would've matured."

"I have! Just not when it comes to this bitch-"

"_Bitch? Say that again, I dare you!"_

Tessai appeared behind them just in time, locking an arm around each of their throats. Akon was cut off midsentence and Hiyori was lifted off the ground because of conflicting heights.

"Thank you, Tessai," Kisuke said, sighing. "Can we just lock them in a closet until they kiss and make up?"

"Never… going… to… happen…" Hiyori gasped.

* * *

After he finished painting, Tesla decided to go visit Orihime.

"Oh! Hi Tesla!" she chirped when she answered the door. "Tatsuki's here, so..."

Who was Tatsuki again?

The one that had kicked him, wasn't it?

Maybe he should leave.

"Uh… I can leave-"

"No, no, come in," Orihime said, smiling and pulling him inside. Tatsuki – oh look, it was the one that had kicked him – looked up from her seat. "Tatsuki, Tesla! Tesla, Tatsuki."

"Hey," Tesla said, shifting from foot to foot.

"You're covered in paint," Tatsuki said.

Tesla looked down. Oops. He hadn't changed out of the clothes he'd painted in, and was almost completely covered with black paint. "Yeah…" he said.

"Well, I'm out," Tatsuki said. "Mizuiro's buying me stuff. Usually it'd be weird, but… it's free stuff."

"_He knows your soul!" _Orihime called after her friend. Once Tatsuki was out of the place, Orihime turned to Tesla. "So. Hi."

"Hi," Tesla said. He felt extremely awkward.

"So… I've been wondering…" Orihime said. "Are we like… like dating?"

Tesla reddened. "Do you want to be?"

"Um… o-okay."

"Does this mean I kiss you now?"

"D-do you want to?"

"Kinda," Tesla said, looking at her. She was blushing. It was quite possibly the most awkward situation he had ever been in.

* * *

"You have an interesting home, Ichigo Kurosaki," Sung-Sun said, looking around. Ichigo reddened.

"Yeah… you can just stay here, I need to grab something from my room."

"All right."

Almost as soon as Ichigo left, two young girls appeared.

"Who're you?" the dark-haired one said.

"I am Cyan Sung-Sun," Sung-Sun said. "You?"

"I'm Yuzu. Ichigo's our big brother," the lighter-haired one said. "This is Karin."

Ichigo bounded down the stairs. He'd changed out of his school uniform, and Sung-Sun felt a bit odd, still dressed in her far too short skirt and shirt with sleeves too short. "Shit, you met my family."

"Yes," Sung-Sun said. "You have sisters."

"Yeah," Ichigo said. "Good thing you didn't meet my dad. He's just weird."

* * *

"She won't leave me alone," Renji said, sinking to the floor. Yumichika looked up from his conversation with Ikkaku.

"Who? That boyish girl with weird eyes?" he asked.

"Yeah," Renji replied.

"Don't worry about it. She's perfect for you."

"Fuck you, Ayasegawa," Renji muttered. "Anyway, at least I don't have a girly-looking boy wandering around after me."

"That cute purple-eyed one? I don't mind him. He's a little annoying when he opens his mouth, but he is pretty," Yumichika said. Ikkaku looked at him.

"I am seriously doubting your heterosexuality right now."

"Doubt all you want," Yumichika said, shrugging. "I call them as I see them."

* * *

On her way home from Mizuiro buying her things, Tatsuki ran into Nnoitra Jiruga. Her arms were full of bags. She'd actually felt a little uncomfortable at him buying her so much, but he'd told her that 'he had plenty of money, don't worry about it.'

She had the sneaking suspicion that he might like her a little.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't hot lesbian chick."

Tatsuki dropped the bags and spun around, readying herself. Nnoitra stepped out of the shadows, smirking.

"Lesbian's ready to fight."

"First of all, _I'm not a lesbian_," Tatsuki said, narrowing her eyes. "Second of all, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Just having a bit of fun," Nnoitra said, smirking. "Tesla! Get her!"

"Are you sure, Master Nnoitra?" Tesla asked. Nnoitra smirk twisted into an ugly grimace.

"Tesla, just fucking listen to what I say and don't question anything."

Everything went black.

* * *

**Sorry this is a bit late and short, I've been kinda busy since school started last week. :) I should be able to keep up with this posting schedule, but there may not be a chapter every week. There should be one at least every month, though. Probably more.**


	6. Chapter Six: Kiss and Make Up

"Let us out already!" Hiyori yelled, pounding on the door. Akon had given up by now. He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and watching her waste her energy. "Help me, dumbass! We need to get out of here."

"Settle down," Akon said. She was giving him a headache. He wished she'd stop talking. And breathing. Just for her to stop living would be nice.

"Shut up!"

He ignored her. He should've guessed that when Urahara suggested locking them in a closet until they 'kissed and made up', he really was going to lock them in a closet until they kissed and made up. Hopefully he wouldn't actually have to kiss her.

"It's simple!"

Akon jumped. That was not Hiyori's voice. Hiyori must've heard it, too, because she paused.

"What's simple?" she yelled.

"Getting out!" Akon had pinpointed the voice as Urahara's by now; it had a weird tone to it, though, and sounded kind of unlike his normal voice. "All you have to do is kiss and make up."

Akon's "I am not kissing her" was masked by Hiyori very loudly throwing up. Akon jumped to his feet.

"Sarugaki, can't you control yourself? Do I really have to kiss that?"

"Shut up Akon," Hiyori said. Urahara giggled, and Akon sighed, wrinkling his nose. They stood for a few minutes, but then the smell just got too unbearable.

"Fuck it," Akon muttered and, taking care not to step in it, grabbed Hiyori and kissed her. He pushed her away almost immediately. "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done. And I'm a member of the Twelfth Division."

The closet door opened, and Hiyori ran out immediately, probably to throw up again. Akon felt like he had to throw up after that.

"I hate you," Akon said as he passed Urahara, who was still giggling.

* * *

"Orihime!"

Orihime paused, one foot in her class room, the other out in the hallway. Mizuiro walked toward her, snapping his cell phone shut. "Hm?"

"Have you seen Tatsuki? She hasn't been answering her text messages," he said. He looked worried – Orihime was right. He so liked her.

"Come to think about it… I haven't. Tesla's not here, either," she said, looking the room.

"Let's go find them," he said. She looked at him, and he nodded. "Yeah. Come on, let's go."

"And skip school?"

"Yeah, why not?"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her away from her class, ignoring the rumors that were inevitably starting. She glanced back at the classroom once more, and then they set out.

"She might just be sick," Orihime suggested. "We could check at her house!"

Mizuiro nodded. "Yeah…" he looked at his phone. "Still no response."

"I bet she's fine."

* * *

"Master Nnoitra, what is your reason for kidnapping this girl?" Tesla asked. Nnoitra spun around.

"Shut up."

"Okay."

"I said, _shut up. _This human world has made you talk too much."

Tesla shut up.

Tatsuki was unconscious, and, because nothing less cliché could be thought of, tied to a chair. Nnoitra was probably planning to do inappropriate things to her.

And then Orihime and Mizuiro crept quietly into the room. They'd actually tried kicking down the door, but after many failed attempts, Mizuiro picked the lock and they just walked in. It was a basement, of course.

"Master Nnoi-"

"Tesla, I said shut up!"

"But-"

"Shut up!"

"You have guests," Mizuiro said. He was playing with his phone. Nnoitra looked at them. Orihime waved. Mizuiro didn't look up from his phone.

"Tesla, why didn't you tell me?"

"But-"

"Shut up!"

"Why do you have Tatsuki here?" Mizuiro asked. He was acting in a way that, if this were actually a canon thing, people would be more convinced that he was the Soul King or whatever the theory in. "Last I checked, you had enough girls. Leave mine alone."

Orihime was gaping at Tesla who gave her one of those grimace-y smiles. Nnoitra turned fully away from Tatsuki and took a step toward Mizuiro.

Let's take the time to remember that Nnoitra is about two feet taller than Mizuiro.

While this was going on, Orihime ran 'stealthily' around Nnoitra and untied Tatsuki. Tesla pretended not to see her.

"Good luck Mizuiro," she hissed as she ran out, feeling like a horrible person for leaving the boy there with two obviously dangerous people.

* * *

School was out, and Ichigo had invited Sung-Sun over for dinner. He'd been a little nervous about doing so – not because he was scared she'd say no, but because of his father, but he'd worked it out with Uryu, and Ryuken was going to invite Isshin over for something-or-other. You know, whatever fathers of supernaturally powered teenagers did.

"So, you live with your... friends?" he asked. Sung-Sun nodded.

"There is Miss Halibel, Apacci, Mila-Rose, and myself," she said. "We came with the boys. There are four of them. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Nnoitra Jiruga, Tesla Lindocruz, and Luppi Antenor."

"Oh. Cool. Uh, I live with my sisters and dad," Ichigo replied.

"I have met your sisters. Yuzu and Karin?"

"Yeah, that's them."

The rest of the way to Ichigo's house went from awkward conversation to awkward silence. When they got home, however, they realized that Ichigo's house wasn't as Isshin-free as he'd thought.

"Well, I'll be back by- Oh! Ichigo! You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!"

"Shit," Ichigo muttered as Isshin circled Sung-Sun, muttering and poking at her. "Get out of here!"

"Ryuken can wait, I must see if she will make proper offspring."

Sung-Sun turned red. As did Ichigo, who literally kicked his father out of the house. "Okay," he said, taking a breath. "Where were we?"

* * *

Tatsuki had woken up and was now running half-conscious for Ichigo's house. "What's going on?"

"We left Mizuiro with your kidnappers! He knew you were there because-"

"No, he does not _know my soul_. But what? Kidnappers?"

"Tesla and his freaky tall friend!"

"Your boyfriend kidnapped me?"

"I guess!"

They reached Ichigo's house out-of-breath and extremely confused. Tatsuki knocked on the door. Yuzu answered.

"Hi. Ichigo's having dinner with his new girlfriend-"

"_Girlfriend?"_

* * *

**Well they don't seem to be overly concerned that Mizuiro is probably dying at the moment.**

**Ahem, there we go. Cx So. Yeah. Uh. Have a nice week.**


	7. Chapter Seven: Missing Mizuiro

Because the subject of Ichigo's love life was obviously much more important than Mizuiro's life, it took another ten or so minutes to explain the situation. Ichigo's situation, of course. Then Tatsuki and Orihime explained theirs, and, because they were hungry, stayed for dinner.

"Uh… Sung-Sun, you should probably go home," Ichigo said. The girl shook her head.

"I would like to watch you rescue your friend, if it is not too much trouble," she said. Ichigo swore under his breath, but nodded.

"Fine. Uh, let's go save Mizuiro."

* * *

Surprisingly, the first ten minutes of Mizuiro's stay in Nnoitra's basement was just them staring at each other awkwardly. Well, Nnoitra staring at Mizuiro awkwardly while Mizuiro played on his phone. Then Nnoitra got sick of the phone and smashed it.

Mizuiro was not a fan of this development. Then Nnoitra decided that he wanted to injure Mizuiro, but wanted to rile him up before he did so. Now, Mizuiro had a very large tolerance level. Smashing his phone had taken up about three fourths of that.

At the moment, Mizuiro's tolerance level was very nearly completely used up.

"C'mon, don't make this too easy for me!" Nnoitra said, taking a step toward Mizuiro. Mizuiro narrowed his eyes. His hands were twitching, too used to having a phone in them at all times. "Bet you can't wait to get back to that lesbian bitch. Can't wait to fuck her, right? Not my type, but I guess-"

"Shut up."

"Hm?"

"Shut up," Mizuiro said, looking Nnoitra straight in the eye – a feat that was truly remarkable, considering he had to look almost straight up.

* * *

"I am never leaving this place again," Hiyori decided. Shinji and Kensei looked at each other, Shinji confused and Kensei totally not caring at all. "Never. Ever. Not until that Twelfth Division prick goes away. Maybe not even then."

"What happened?" Shinji asked. It earned him a shoe in the face. "What the hell Hiyori?"

"Shut up!" Hiyori buried her face in her arms and muttered something.

"What?"

"He kissed me!"

"Oh," Shinji said, exchanging a confused glance with Lisa, who had taken Kensei's place. (Kensei had gotten bored and wandered off.) "Uh. Who was this, exactly?"

"That prick from the Twelfth – he's grown and gotten all muscular and tall and he's fucking sexy and I didn't just say that," Hiyori said. "Akon."

"Who?"

Hiyori left the room and was back a few minutes later with a box of pictures that she'd stolen from Urahara, who for some reason had pictures of the most powerful people in each of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. Shinji and Rose leaned over to see as Hiyori found the Squad Twelve one. She jabbed a finger at the tall guy with horns on his forehead.

"Wasn't he that shrimpy cute kid?" Mashiro asked.

"He wasn't cute!"

"Aww, Hiyori's got a crush," Shinji crooned. And got hit in the face again. "Dammit! And all this time, I thought you liked me."

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"You hit me all the time! Didn't ya ever hear that when a person picks on you, that means they like you?"

Hiyori thought of all the times Akon had called her a demon bitch from hell and threw up.

"Hiyori!"

* * *

"Down here!" Orihime yelled, and the group burst into the house. Orihime led the way down the basement stairs and ran straight into Tesla.

"Come on," Tesla said, putting an arm around her shoulders and steering her away. "You don't want to see this. Let's go get some ice cream."

Orihime let herself be led away, throwing a desperate look at Ichigo. Ichigo swore under his breath and turned on the light, which had been off, for some reason.

Nnoitra Jiruga was nowhere to be seen – actually, he was standing in the corner next to a giant fork and, being in his Arrancar form, everyone just thought he was the spoon that went with the set. So, for all purposes of this fanfiction, he was nowhere to be seen.

Neither was Mizuiro, actually. Tatsuki wondered if he'd been cut into tiny pieces and put in a freezer. There was a splotch of blood on the floor, though, and Tatsuki was right in assuming that it was Mizuiro's.

"You have lost your friend," Sung-Sun said. "The one that is always on his mobile device, correct?"

"He's got to be hurt," Tatsuki said, crouching beside the remains of his phone. "His phone's still here. And it's broken. He sure as hell can't still be here conscious."

"Okay… uh… I… let's go get some backup," Ichigo said.

* * *

Mizuiro was indeed in a freezer, but he had not been cut into tiny pieces. Actually, Tesla had given him a coat to wear as he slowly froze to death. The blood on the floor had been from his nose, which had been so helpfully injured by Nnoitra. He had a couple more bruises, but he'd managed to talk his way out of most everything, except… well… being shoved in a freezer until he slowly froze to death.

* * *

Yumichika Ayasegawa and Luppi Antenor were on a 'not-date-but-kind-of.'

They were both wearing pretty clothes – Yumichika usually didn't wear the same World of the Living outfit more than once, but considering that episode 229 was a filler, he could wear those black skinny jeans with the rose on them and that slightly feminine white shirt. Luppi was wearing some fabulous purple pants, a blue shirt, and a green sweatshirt.

All in all, both of them looked extremely gay and fabulous.

"Nobody understands," Yumichika remarked, taking a sip of his latte. Luppi, who had gotten a hot chocolate, nodded. "I can look beautiful and not be totally and obviously gay, right?"

"I know! Just because we're pretty doesn't mean we're gay."

"Right."

"…We're not helping our situation right now, are we?"

"No. No, we aren't."

* * *

**And on that happy note, we'll end the chapter! :D Yes, I am back. And I hope this chapter was good enough. Cx I should be updating weekly from now on. School started and stuff started going on and it's just a little irritating, so I took an unannounced two week hiatus. :) **


	8. Chapter Eight: Totally Not Gay Friends

"I don't think I can concentrate on this ice cream," Orihime said, staring at the gigantic pile of ice cream. "I mean, Mizuiro's probably dead by now and the others will probably die soon, too."

"He's not dead," Tesla said. "I didn't just say that. He's in our freezer. I didn't say that either. If we hurry we might be able to get him before he freezes. That wasn't my idea."

Orihime just looked at him.

"Oh, I'll get him," Yumichika, who was a few feet away, said. "Come on, my totally-not-gay-friend."

With that, Yumichika and Luppi wandered away. Orihime blinked. "Okay. That was… weird…"

"Wanna go see a movie?" Tesla asked.

"Sure!"

* * *

When Yumichika and Luppi got to the male Arrancars' house, they were met with a totally-ready-to-fight Nnoitra. Yumichika thought he was a spoon and ignored him. Luppi got out of his gigai.

"Hold on… sudden intense spiritual pressure," Yumichika said, spinning around. He gasped. "Luppi! You're an Arrancar!"

"Yep! Into the freezer you go!"

* * *

Ichigo decided to go to Urahara's for backup. Urahara was having a discussion with Akon. "We need backup!" Ichigo said. Urahara just looked at him.

"Why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure we're walking right into the Arrancar hideout," he said. Urahara thought about it, then nodded.

"You can have Akon! And take some Visoreds, too, because they do nothing-"

"Not going if she's going," Akon muttered.

"I've been talking to Shinji. She refuses to leave the warehouse."

"Okay."

* * *

"So…"

"It's cold in here."

"Yeah."

"You're a Shinigami."

"You're a human."

"Or am I?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

* * *

Unfortunately, Hiyori did decide to come with them. That is, until she saw Akon. Then she turned around and tried to go back inside, but Kensei grabbed the back of her shirt. "You're comin' with us," he said. "Mashiro's too stupid, nobody's seen Lisa in a while, Hachi doesn't fight, and Rose and Love are busy bawling over some stupid manga. It's just you, me, and Shinji. And that guy."

"Akon."

"Yeah, that guy. Do you even have a zanpakuto? You're in the Twelfth."

"Don't use it much, but, yeah," Akon said. "I'm mostly coming along to check the place out, maybe get some stuff to send back to Captain Kurotsuchi."

Hiyori made a face, and Akon made a face back. They ended up at each other's throats, as usual. Ichigo looked at Kensei and Shinji. Both of them shrugged, and then the three of them decided to go see what was going on with the missing Mizuiro.

* * *

Tatsuki was waiting for them outside of the house. Sung-Sun was gone. "I think she's one of them, too," she said. Ichigo sighed. "You really know how to pick 'em, Ichigo."

"What?" Shinji asked, looking extremely curious.

"Ichigo has a girlfriend. I think she's an Arrancar-"

"But she's not my girlfriend so it doesn't matter," Ichigo said. "Now, come on, let's go."

* * *

Nnoitra and Luppi were waiting. Luppi had released and was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Nnoitra was guarding the freezer. He wouldn't have agreed to this positioning, but then Luppi had showed him how funny it was when Luppi pulled people down the stairs. 'It's like something out of a horror movie,' Luppi had said. At this, Nnoitra had shuddered and let Luppi do his disturbing things.

Luppi was currently humming a One Direction song and plotting how he was going to cook Mizuiro once he had frozen to death. Or maybe he'd keep both Mizuiro and Yumichika as pretty statue decorations. Both of them were certainly pretty. Not as pretty as him, of course, but pretty all the same.

The first person Luppi saw was a rather attractive grey-haired guy with a zanpakuto. He was wearing a shihakusho, which confused Luppi for a little bit, but then he decided that he could attack this guy anyway.

Let's just say that both Ichigo and Shinji were very confused when a white tentacle-type thing wrapped around Kensei and pulled him down the stairs.

"You can deal with him," Luppi said, tossing Kensei over his shoulder to Nnoitra, who grinned and crackled his knuckles. Kensei, being the badass Visored that he is, got up, gave Luppi the finger, and grinned at Nnoitra.

Luppi pulled Shinji and Ichigo down as well, looked at them and sighed. "None of them are pretty enough. Sure, the ones with orange and gray hair are attractive enough, but they're not what I'm looking for. You can have them all. I'm going to go check on my new pets."

With that, Luppi skipped away to the freezer, tentacles waving around gaily.

Once he opened it, Yumichika got him with the true released state of his zanpakuto.

Meanwhile, Nnoitra and Kensei were having one of the most badass battles of all time. Kensei had gone shikai almost immediately – after all, he was battling an Arrancar. Shinji and Ichigo just stood awkwardly in the background while Mizuiro left and Yumichika slowly drained Luppi's spiritual pressure.

* * *

"You know, I haven't seen Yumichika in a while," Ikkaku said. "I feel his spiritual pressure, but… it feels weird…"

"Let's go find him!" Rangiku chirped.

* * *

Luppi was almost gone. The gray-haired one was holding his own against Nnoitra as well, but Luppi didn't care about Nnoitra at the moment, his pretty totally-not-gay-friend was killing him with some weird zanpakuto that had come out of nowhere.

"Hey, Yumichika! You down there?"

And then the vines binding him vanished and Luppi slumped to the ground, panting. He wasn't quite dead, but Yumichika had nearly done him in. His release had shriveled away a while ago. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to use it again for a while.

The bald Shinigami jumped down the stairs, brandishing a spear-like thing. "Why didn't anyone invite me- ah, shit, there's nobody left."

"There's me."

Grimmjow stood at the top of the stairs, grinning. The bald Shinigami grinned back at him, and the two left, presumably to go kill each other.

"I'm going to leave now," Yumichika said. He was sparkling.

* * *

"Mizuiro!" Tatsuki said as he exited the building. She hugged him, then pulled away. "Uh…"

Mizuiro smiled at her. "I was in a freezer."

* * *

**And here we go. :D **


	9. Chapter Nine: Urahara's Plan

Keigo Asano decided that, as soon as he was old enough, he was going to move out of Karakura town. Far away. Possibly to a different country. Or planet. And it was all because of Ichigo's freaky friends.

He'd been wandering around, buying food, when a bald guy and some blue-haired guy popped out of nowhere and started fighting. Keigo was stuck right in the middle of it.

None of this had happened before Rukia had appeared. As cute as she was, she had to go.

Keigo tried sneaking away, and ran straight into Mizuiro and Tatsuki. "Mizuiro! Where have you been? And why haven't you been answering your phone?"

Mizuiro twitched. "Gone," he said. "I need to go home. And get my spare phone. Because. It's gone."

"Uh, okay…" Keigo said, backing slowly away from them. He backed into some tall spoon-guy and this badass-looking guy with gray hair. They were fighting each other as well. He ducked Spoony's weapon, flinched from the glare that badass gray-haired guy was giving him, and ran into another couple of people. You know, it really seemed like everyone had decided that this exact spot was the best spot to fight, or talk, or twitch about not having a phone on them at all times.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Urahara's Shop, Urahara was devising a plan to get all of the Arrancar, Shinigami, high spiritually powered humans, Quincies, and Visoreds out of Karakura Town, because buildings mysteriously falling down wasn't good for business. Not that the Urahara Shop really got any business anyway, but it's the thought that counts.

After about five more minutes of procrastinating pushing the button that would zap them all to the Soul Society, Urahara decided that Karakura had taken enough damage and pushed the button.

* * *

The device 'malfunctioned', sending people to random parts of the Soul Society. Mizuiro ended up at Kukaku's current residence. Tatsuki ended up in the Second Division. Grimmjow and Ikkaku suddenly found themselves battling the Fourth Division. Yoruichi, who had been annoying people with cat allergies, was suddenly in Byakuya's mansion. She decided that this wasn't so bad and decided to go off and bother him. Luppi, who still couldn't really move, ended up in the Twelfth. Akon and Hiyori ended up in a compromising position in front of Yamamoto.

Urahara, who had ended up on the roof of a tall building so that he could see what went on, snickered and pulled his hat further down on his face, because he was the true villain of Bleach I mean what.

* * *

Mizuiro didn't know where he was, but he was liking it.

Besides the point that he didn't have his phone.

He'd ended up on the floor of some house, and when he'd heard someone stomping around, he'd thought it was a creepy huge guy that would probably try to hurt him. But then a _hot, _older woman had stomped in, demanded what he was doing, and looked like she wanted to hurt him.

It almost made him forget that he didn't have his phone.

Mizuiro stood up, fixed his hair, and smiled his most charming smile. "Hello, Miss. I'm Mizuiro Kojima. I'm not sure where I am, can you help me please?"

She looked at him. He kept smiling. She kept looking at him. He kept smiling. She kept looking at him. He thought about his dead phone. She smiled a psycho, slightly slasher-esque grin. He didn't flinch.

"You're in the Soul Society," she said finally. Mizuiro stopped smiling.

"Does that mean I'm dead?" he asked. "This is where Ichigo goes sometimes, right?"

"You're probably dead," the woman said, shrugging. "Unless this is Urahara's doing. I'm Kukaku Shiba, by the way."

"Nice to meet you," Mizuiro said, smiling again. Surprisingly, Kukaku didn't shudder. That was nice. Usually when he smiled his 'totally innocent' smile a few times in a row, people got freaked out.

* * *

The minute Tatsuki landed in the Second Division, she was attacked. Fortunately, they were just extras, so she was able to dispose of them quickly. Then Soi Fon stepped out of the shadows, because that's dramatic. "Who are you?" she asked.

"Tatsuki Arisawa."

"You fight well, Tatsuki Arisawa. Would you like to join my division?"

Tatsuki thought about it, decided that she had nothing better to do, and shrugged. "Why not?"

* * *

"Fuck," Grimmjow said. He was currently sitting in a closet with Ikkaku. His zanpakuto was gone and he was tied with bandages. He could hear those lame Shinigami blocking the door. They'd caught him and this cool bald guy by surprise and this short kid had gone ballistic when he'd tried to hurt the tall silver-haired chick.

He wasn't quite sure why the other guy was in the closet, seeing as he was a Shinigami, too, but whatever.

"…This is boring," Baldy said. "By the way, I didn't get the chance to tell you my name and rank before we got zapped here. Ikkaku Madrame, third seat of the Eleventh Division, strongest Division of them all."

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Sixth Espada."

"Nice to meet you."

"Yep."

* * *

Yoruichi eventually ended up in Byakuya's bedroom. She leaped to the bed and decided to change back to her human form. She could lay there naked until Byakuya showed up. He'd freak out. He'd totally freak out.

She ended up falling asleep.

* * *

Luppi woke up on an operating table. He nearly screamed when he saw who- no, _what _was above him. To be honest, he had no idea what the thing was. It had a very colorful face. He nearly screamed, but he was an Arrancar. He didn't scream when creepy colorful-faced things were in his line of sight.

Then he looked down and saw all of the machines attached to him and did scream.

"Interesting… Akon, write- damnit, you're still gone, Nemu, write down the reaction of Subject #9991910123.5," colorful-man said.

Luppi fainted.

* * *

Akon and Hiyori stared at Yamamoto. Yamamoto stared back. What resulted was a very awkward staring contest, until Akon scrambled off of Hiyori and hurried back to the Twelfth Division just in time to help experimentation on Luppi. Hiyori left Yamamoto's line of sight before he decided to execute her.

* * *

**Just to warn you, updates may randomly stop mid-November, depending on how much I get written ahead of time, because I'll be doing NaNoWriMo again this year. But maybe not.**

**We'll see. Cx**


	10. Chapter Ten: And They're All Paired Off

When the Twelfth was done with Luppi, he was a Shinigami.

He touched the spot where his hollow mask had been, he felt to see that, yes, his hollow hole was not a hole anymore and was, in fact, flesh, and then straightened his shihakusho. He'd decided to head to the Eleventh Division – partly to visit his totally-not-gay-friend and partly because they seemed like cool people. He liked killing people. Killing people was fun.

It took him a while to find them, but eventually he did. And a whole wave of people attacked him.

He released.

His new release was almost exactly like his last one, except his tentacles were black instead of while, because they always had to match his uniform, of course.

He made quick work of the extras, and was back to normal once his totally-not-gay-friend and his totally-not-gay-friend's possibly-gay-lover found him. "Hello," Luppi said, putting away his zanpakuto.

"What are you doing here?" Yumichika asked. Luppi smiled.

"I'm a Shinigami now! I…" Luppi twitched, remembering the way he had become a Shinigami. "That's not important. What's important is that I'm not an Arrancar anymore, and therefore not evil! I have come to join you!"

"Well, you disposed of these extras pretty quick," Ikkaku said, nudging one of said extras with his foot. The extra twitched. "And they're not dead, so we don't have to find some new ones. But if we're in battle you have to kill people."

"Of course," Luppi said. He smiled again. "I do enjoy killing people."

"Good," Ikkaku said. "Welcome to the Eleventh."

* * *

Hiyori was hiding out in Rukongai. Because this fanfiction takes place right at the beginning of the Arrancar Arrival arc, and she would probably be executed. For being a hollow. So. There was that.

"Hey," someone who sounded suspiciously like that annoying, totally-not-hot-now brat from the Twelfth said. Hiyori looked up.

It was him.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I just wanted to make sure that you weren't… you know… executed," Akon said. He hurriedly continued. "I mean, not that I would care if you were executed. I wouldn't. I'd help them execute you-"

"Shut up," Hiyori said. She stood up. Akon watched her. "Why are you here really? Your freak of a captain tell you to take me back for experiments."

"No," Akon said, shaking his head, then paused. "Though I bet he wouldn't mind-"

She grabbed him by the front of his lab coat and yanked him down to eye level. He stopped talking and, even though she had had some things to say, she didn't say anything, either. They just stood there, him awkwardly bent over, faces inches away from each other.

"Oh, just kiss already!" Shinji yelled from a building roof a bit away.

* * *

Mizuiro, while he was enjoying his stay at Kukaku Shiba's house, was bored. And still kind of freaked out about not having a phone.

So, he decided to go exploring. Kukaku, after some persuading, dropped him off inside the Seireitei, so he could explore around the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. She was going to pick him up in about four hours – he had enough time to do something.

He decided to start at the First Division. There was nothing exciting there, and, after a brief tea-drinking session with two old guys, he politely excused himself and moved on to the Second Division.

Unfortunately, he was attacked as soon as he stepped one foot in the door. But, the person that had attacked him was Tatsuki Arisawa, so this was okay. Because he thought Tatsuki Arisawa was cute, for a girl his age.

She paused when she saw who it was. "Mizuiro?"

"Hi, Tatsuki!" Mizuiro said, smiling. Tatsuki let go of him and he brushed dirt off his clothes. "I'm exploring until Kukaku picks me up."

"Who's Kukaku?" Tatsuki asked. Mizuiro decided not to answer.

"Want to grab lunch?"

Tatsuki paused, then glanced around. "I don't know. I mean, I'm a member of this division now, and I don't know what… I mean, we could have lunch here. I don't know what being a member of a division is like, and I don't know if Captain Soi Fon wants me to…"

"Okay," Mizuiro said. "Let's have lunch here."

* * *

Ikkaku had been let out of the closet in the Fourth Division, but Grimmjow hadn't. He was still sitting in the closet, wrapped up in bandages, sulking.

One unfortunate Hanataro Yamada opened the door, and Grimmjow leaped out at him, looking like a mummy but not decaying like one, and ran off, accidentally grabbing him on the way.

* * *

Urahara grinned. His plan was working perfectly. Soon they would all be Shinigami – or, at least, on the Shinigami's side – and then Aizen would have nobody! Mwahahaha.

* * *

Byakuya decided to go home to grab some lunch. And perhaps take a nap.

After eating quickly, he went to his bedroom, pausing once he got to the door. Something seemed wrong.

Something seemed very wrong.

He decided that it was nothing and opened the door.

Yoruichi was awake by now, and was stretching over his bed, completely naked. Byakuya just stood there, hand still on the door, eyes wide, frozen.

Then he fainted, and Yoruichi decided that she should probably take him to the Fourth, because his head had made a very large clunking noise when it hit the floor.

The real question was, should she put on clothes to take him there?

* * *

Kensei and Nnoitra were taking a break. They'd been fighting almost nonstop for a while now, enough so that Nnoitra had released and Kensei had gone Bankai and hollowfied. Now they both put away their extra powers and decided to take a break, maybe have some lunch.

"Wonder where Tesla is," Nnoitra muttered. "He's probably still with his stupid fucking girlfriend."

Kensei paused, food halfway to his mouth. "Girlfriend?"

"Yeah, that Inoue chick," Nnoitra said. "The hot redhead."

"Oh, her," Kensei said, nodding and finishing his food. "Well, ready to get back to fighting?"

"Yep."

* * *

Tesla was, in fact, with his girlfriend. The two had appeared in the Tenth Division along with Rangiku Matsumoto, who was currently making them be on a romantic date, using Hitsugaya's desk as a table.

Hitsugaya was out doing something right now, or they would probably be kicked out.

But, as it was, Rangiku had hired Shuhei to cook for them, and Tesla and Orihime were on a romantic date.

Both of them felt extremely awkward and really had no idea what to do.

* * *

**I have finished my NaNoWriMo early, so updates should be regular! **


	11. Chapter Eleven: Reunions

Urahara ran into Yoruichi while she was taking Byakuya to the Fourth Division. She was wearing his captain's haori, tied shut over her front with what looked like a strip of his shihakusho.

Well, he was going to be upset when he woke up.

"What did you do to him?" Urahara asked. Yoruichi shifted his weight from one arm to the other and just looked at Urahara. "Yeah, should've guessed."

"He just fainted," Yoruichi said. "He didn't scream or anything. But his head made a bad noise when it hit the floor, so I figured that I should probably bring him to get checked out."

"I'll check him out," Urahara said. "You could've called me; then you wouldn't have had to put on clothes."

She hit him and then the two decided to find out what was wrong with Byakuya, because, honestly, he really wasn't moving. At all.

* * *

"Draw?" Kensei suggested to an unconscious Nnoitra. "Good."

With that, he fell over as well, dropping his zanpakuto and just laying there until one Shuhei Hisagi, who had been going for a walk, stumbled upon him.

Shuhei wasn't sure what was going on at first – all he saw was two unconscious people who had obviously been fighting each other. He decided to see who – and what – they were.

The first person he turned over was the bigger one who had what looked like a spoon for a head. Upon seeing this person's face, however, Shuhei realized that he was not, in fact, a spoon, but just had a very spoon-like hood. He decided to just leave this person alone because he seemed to be breathing, then went over to the silver-haired one.

The silver-haired one was very badass-looking, Shuhei mused, then turned him over.

This silver-haired one was also very familiar-looking.

Shuhei, even though it could make him look creepy, lifted up the silver-haired one's tanktop.

There was a 69 tattoo.

On his stomach.

Shuhei fainted.

* * *

Izuru Kira, who had nothing better to do than wander around aimlessly, wandered straight into Rangiku, who was spying on Tesla and Orihime's date. "Have you seen Shuhei?" Izuru asked. Rangiku shook her head, then thought a bit.

"Actually, he said something about going out to wander in Rukongai, in the place where he nearly got eaten by a hollow during his childhood. Something about reminiscing about cool old captains that inspired his tattoo?" Rangiku said. Izuru nodded and headed off.

He found Shuhei slumped over a silver-haired person that he'd never seen before in his life. Shuhei, silver-haired person, and this spoon-guy were all unconscious.

Both silver-haired person and spoon-guy looked like they needed medical attention. Izuru Kira decided to transport them to the Fourth.

Oh, and he should probably wake up Shuhei, too.

"Shuhei!" Izuru said, poking the lieutenant. Shuhei woke up, realized who, exactly, he had been unconscious on, and nearly fainted again. "No! Stop! What's going on?"

"That's… that's sixty-nine guy…" Shuhei said. "Kensei Muguruma."

"Who- oh, wasn't he the captain a while ago?" Izuru asked. Shuhei nodded, and lifted up Kensei's tanktop to reveal a 69 tattoo on his stomach. A 69 tattoo that matched the one on Shuhei's face almost exactly.

"Well, we should get these guys to the Fourth," Izuru said. Shuhei nodded again.

* * *

Nemu was wandering around, looking for more Arrancar for her Captain-slash-father-slash-whatever else she called him to turn into Shinigami, because that short, girly-looking one had actually seemed pretty powerful. Last she'd heard of him he'd joined the Eleventh.

She ran into Izuru Kira and Shuhei Hisagi dragging two people in the direction of the Fourth. One of them looked like another Arrancar.

"Excuse me," Nemu said. She took the Spoon-Arrancar-Man from Izuru Kira. "Captain Kurotsuchi would like this to turn it into a Shinigami. Have a good day."

* * *

After chasing Shinji down and holding him still while Hiyori killed him with her shoe, Akon and Hiyori decided to head back to the Twelfth Division, because Hiyori wanted to see what was going on with her Division and Akon wanted to see if they'd gotten any more Arrancar to experiment on.

"Hold on," Akon said, stopping. Hiyori looked at him. "You'll stick out if you have those clothes on. You need a shihakusho."

"They'll all recognize me anyway," Hiyori said, rolling her eyes.

"It's smarter this way," Akon said. He told Hiyori to wait there and went to go grab one of his old uniforms – the one he'd worn about a hundred years ago. He didn't know why he still had it, but it was coming in handy now.

She put on the uniform, which was just a little bit loose, and then they continued to the Twelfth.

* * *

"Now we can actually be friends," Yumichika said. Luppi nodded, then Yumichika remembered something. "But if you ever tell anyone what my zanpakuto does, I will kill you slowly and painfully. It will be worse than the Twelfth Division. I will chop you up bit by bit and you will have to watch."  
"Okay," Luppi said, eyes wide. "Fair enough."

"Good!" Yumichika said. He sparkled briefly. Luppi, who could sparkle as well, sparkled, too.

It was a peaceful and sparkly existence.

* * *

After eating lunch with Tatsuki, Mizuiro decided to keep exploring. The next Division he went to was the Third Division.

There was a creepy, smiling, silver-haired man there. Mizuiro, being the polite person that he was, said hello.

"Hi!" the person said back. Mizuiro noticed that he was wearing a white uniform instead of the black uniform that all of the other Shinigami seemed to be wearing. Mizuiro himself was also wearing a black uniform, so that he would blend in better. "I've never seen you before."

"I'm a human," Mizuiro said, smiling. "I'm just exploring."

"Oh," the person said. "Welcome to the Third Division! I'm the former captain. Then I betrayed the soul society."

"Oh," Mizuiro said. "That's… nice?"

"Yep!"

* * *

Sosuke Aizen was losing his army too quickly.

Not only had all of the Arrancar he'd sent to Karakura town suddenly materialized in the Soul Society – and already two of them were Shinigami – but now Gin was gone, too. Aizen wasn't quite sure why he'd left, but he had, and now it was just him, Tosen, and bunch more Arrancar. He still had Ulquiorra, which was good – without Ulquiorra, nobody would root for him, because Ulquiorra was a fangirl magnet for some reason.

If only he hadn't lost Grimmjow…

Of course, he hadn't lost Grimmjow yet. He'd just lost Luppi – that was probably why Gin had left, to be with his freaky friend – and was in the process of losing Nnoitra, which meant that he'd lost Tesla, too.

This was a problem.

"We must invade," Aizen said. Ulquiorra looked at him.

"When." Ulquiorra said. Ulquiorra didn't use question marks. He just stated questions.

"Now," Aizen said, standing up. "Collect the rest of the Arrancar. We will invade the Soul Society."

* * *

Urahara, of course, knew what Aizen was planning, because Urahara knows everything and is the Aizen of Bleach.

Wait, what?

Okay, that was a lie. Urahara didn't know everything. He just called a friend of his, who was the Aizen of his own anime. Urahara's friend knew what Aizen was up to, because knowing everything that was going on in his own anime wasn't enough.

But, anyway, Urahara now knew that he needed to get all of the Arrancar to the Twelfth and help the members of the division turn them into Shinigami, and quick. Because if he didn't, then Aizen's team would definitely overpower them.

* * *

**I think I have a plot now.**


	12. Chapter Twelve: Just as Creepy

"Yeah, okay," Urahara said. He got off the phone with his Aizen-of-another-anime – oh, who cares about being subtle, it's Izaya Orihara from Durarara! because the author of this story just finished that anime and is sad – and turned to Yoruichi. "We have about two days. It's taking them a while to get Tosen away from his Menos."

"Good," Yoruichi said. Since the last chapter break, they'd captured three more Arrancar – Tesla Lindocruz, Cyan Sung-Sun, and Emilou Apacci – and deposited them at the Twelfth Division. Urahara was a bit startled to see Hiyori there – working quietly alongside Akon, of all places! – but he didn't really care. Nnoitra Jiruga had joined the Ninth and was currently grumbling about being a third seat because both Shuhei and Kensei agreed that he could not be Lieutenant unless he had a sixty-nine tattoo, because the last captain that had not had a sixty-nine tattoo had ended up betraying the Soul Society, so anyone in a position of power should have a sixty-nine tattoo. Obviously.

But that was beside the point.

"So, where d'you suppose the next Arrancar is?" Urahara asked. Yoruichi shrugged.

* * *

The next Arrancar was, in fact, crouching beside a stream. Hanataro Yamada, who was currently tied up in a bunch of bandages, was sitting beside him. Well, he was more like lying beside him and being unconscious, because when Grimmjow had taken the bandages off of himself and wrapped them around Hanataro, he had wrapped them a little too tight.

Grimmjow was liking his new, silent, unconscious companion.

"I don't know man, these Shinigami are weird," Grimmjow sighed. He looked at Hanataro and noticed a bit of black shihakusho peeking out from under the bandages. "And we're gonna have to get you a proper Arrancar uniform. Wait here."

He tied Hanataro to a tree so that he could get some white fabric. An unknown fact about Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez was that he was fantastic at sewing. But he got distracted if you placed a ball of yarn in front of him, so knitting and crocheting was out of the question.

A few minutes later, Grimmjow got back. Hanataro was still slowly suffocating. Grimmjow didn't notice or, if he did notice, he didn't care.

About ten minutes after getting back – seven of those minutes going to design – Grimmjow had Hanataro's new Arrancar uniform. He untied Hanataro. Hanataro was unconscious, and Grimmjow dunked him in the river until he woke up again. Hanataro, upon seeing Grimmjow, promptly fainted again. Grimmjow dunked him in the river again, and after a few more Hanataro-faintings, Grimmjow was able to get him to stop fainting.

"Put this on," Grimmjow said. Hanataro looked skeptically at it.

"Why-"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!"

Hanataro nearly fainted again, but put on the Arrancar uniform.

…It looked suspiciously like one of those stereotypical French maid dresses, except without the ruffles. There was a skirt.

And it was short.

"Um," Hanataro said, his voice even higher than usual. "You do know I'm a boy, right?"

Grimmjow looked at him, head cocked to the side. "Really?"

"Really."

"_Really."_

"Really."

After a few more minutes of Grimmjow staring at him, Grimmjow nodded slowly. "I kind of see it now."

"So can I have a new-"

"No."

* * *

After bringing Kensei Muguruma back from the fourth, Shuhei set him up in the Ninth Division's Captain's desk and waiting, staring and maybe smiling creepily a bit.

When Kensei woke up he nearly screamed.

But screaming wasn't a cool thing to do.

So he didn't scream.

"Hi," Shuhei said. He was suddenly kind of shy and nervous and awkward. Not that he wasn't sort of awkward the rest of the time.

"Who are you?" Kensei asked. He then noticed Shuhei's sixty-nine tattoo and was even more freaked out. He had to check his torso to see if it matched his tattoo exactly.

Yep. They were pretty exactly the same, though Kensei's was larger and not on his face.

It was then that he realized that he was wearing a captain's uniform again. He looked at Shuhei Hisagi, who was still staring at him. To Kensei's slight dread and totally-freaked-out-ness, he had a lieutenant's band around his arm.

"Shuhei Hisagi," the other sixty-nine guy said. Kensei nodded slowly.

"Okay. Seems I've heard that name somewhere before…" Kensei said, trailing off. "It's a damn fine name."

"You rescued me from hollows like a hundred years ago," Shuhei said. "It's because of you that I got this tattooed on my face. The amount of times girls were interested in me made up for the amount of times I was snickered at for having it on my face."

"Why'd you get it tattooed on your face, then?" Kensei asked. Shuhei thought about it for a little bit.

"You know… I really don't know," he admitted. "It just seemed right at the time."

They sat in awkward silence for a few more seconds before Nnoitra Jiruga, now Shinigami-ified, burst through the door. "I demand a rematch!"

"I demand you shut up," Kensei said, because now _he_ was the one with the hollow powers and Nnoitra was just a lowly Shinigami. "Hello new third seat."

"What? I'm no fuckin' third seat-"

"The last time someone in power didn't have a sixty-nine tattoo, they betrayed the Soul Society," Shuhei pointed out.

"Good job Hisagi. I like you," Kensei said. Shuhei had to focus very hard so that he did not faint.

* * *

It seemed that Gin could just walk right in and take back his position as Captain of the Third Division. Upon seeing him, Izuru Kira paled and ran away. Gin appointed Mizuiro the new lieutenant of his squad, even though Mizuiro was still just a human.

Nobody was really paying attention to the Third Division anyway. This was good, because Gin wanted to see how he could fuck Mizuiro up. Remember, Izuru had been happy and smiley before Gin got to him, too.

But Mizuiro could possibly have hidden psychopathic tendencies, too, and also he might be Aizen or whatever we're going with here, so Gin wasn't sure how this would work.

It turned out that when Gin left the Third's barracks, people started screaming and pointing, so Gin had to stay inside or someone would figure out that he was back. All of the members of the Third had mysteriously disappeared.

"So, what do you usually do?" Mizuiro asked. He still hadn't gotten ahold of a cell phone and was currently pretending to text on a roughly cell-phone shaped rock.

"I like to psychologically scar my subordinates," Gin said, his grin widening a while. Mizuiro nodded, not even looking up from his iRock, as he was now calling it. "You seem like you'll be a tough nut to crack, though."

"Yes," Mizuiro said, looking up at Gin and giving him his signature 'head cocked to the side eyes closed completely innocent smile.'

"I like you," Gin said. "You have the potential to be just as creepy as me!"

Mizuiro wasn't sure if this was a compliment.

* * *

**Have any of you read the update? **

**I won't spoil it, but...  
**

**WOW.  
**


	13. Chapter Thirteen: The Rearranging

After their date, Tesla and Orihime decided to go explore the Seireitei. It would be fun to find a squad to join, they figured, because it seemed that everyone was just joining different squads at random.

They stumbled upon the Third Division, which by now only had two members – Gin Ichimaru and Mizuiro Kojima.

"Hi Mizuiro!" Orihime chirped, waving. Mizuiro waved back. Gin smiled at Tesla. Tesla subtly hid behind Orihime. Actually, it wasn't so subtle, but we'll give him a break. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Mizuiro said. Orihime noticed that he was passing his fingers meaninglessly over a rock. She briefly wondered why, but decided not to ask. "Do you want to join the Third Division? We kind of are low on members."

Orihime looked at Tesla, shrugged, and nodded. "Why not?"

"Alright!" Gin said, speaking for the first time. "Orihime, third seat. Tesla, fourth seat. Done."

This was truly the best squad out of all of them.

* * *

But where is the actual protagonist of this thing, you may ask?

Who is the actual protagonist?

That's a good question.

But let's catch up with Ichigo Kurosaki, shall we?

Last we saw Mister Kurosaki he had been standing awkwardly in the background of a battle with Shinji Hirako. Shinji had long since left him to go bother Hiyori, but now Ichigo was having a nice time wandering around the Seireitei. He eventually ran into a newly Shinigami-ified Sung-Sun, and now the two were having a 'Rangiku date', in which Rangiku locked them in the Tenth's office and spied on them.

"So," Ichigo said, ever so awkward. "You're a Shinigami now."

"Yes," Sung-Sun said. "We are not enemies anymore."

"Right."

"It would be alright if we were to date."

"Good," Ichigo said. They sat their awkwardly. "So, now that everyone who has the potential to have strong spiritual pressure is in the Seireitei, does that mean that we can all just join squads at random? Aren't there any rules against that?"

Sung-Sun shrugged. "I do not know anything about Seireitei rules. The only Shinigami I knew were Sosuke Aizen, Gin Ichimaru, and Kaname Tosen, and none of them really cared about the Seireitei rules."

"Right."

As if he knew what they were talking about, Mizurio popped out of nowhere with brochures advertising the Third Division. He handed one to each of them and then disappeared again. Ichigo blinked and skimmed his brochure. "Hm," he said. "Squad Three doesn't seem too bad."

"We shall join that one, then."

* * *

Grimmjow and Hanataro were wandering around the Seireitei, Grimmjow challenging anyone and everyone he met to a fight. If, by some miracle, this person accepted and managed to injure Grimmjow before being murdered, Hanataro would heal Grimmjow. It was a nice, peaceful existence, mostly because Hanataro was too scared to complain about anything.

Eventually, however, they ran into Grimmjow's new 'nemesis.'

Ikkaku Madarame.

Yumichika had also decided to dress up to stand around behind him while he fought. Usually he didn't dress up to do that, but he'd decided to this time, because there was no way that Hanataro Yamada was going to look prettier than him.

"It's time for a rematch," Ikkaku said. Grimmjow nodded.

Hanataro edged around the fight to stand beside Yumichika. "Take me home, please," he said. Yumichika looked at him, more than a bit disgusted.

"You are not my type."

"N-no, not like that," Hanataro said. He was bright red. "I mean, back to the Fourth."

Yumichika shrugged. "Why not?"

Grimmjow saw them just before they headed off, Yumichika carrying Hanataro because they were flash-stepping back and Hanataro can't flash-step. "Why, small Shinigami?!" Grimmjow cried to the sky as he fell overdramatically to his knees. "I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!"

* * *

The Ninth Division was a very good division, especially now that there was both a Captain and a Lieutenant, so it could have double the efficiency. Shuhei Hisagi went to work on a special edition of the Seireitei Communication, while Kensei Muguruma went to see how his Squad had been doing while he had been gone. He moved around some people, got rid of some people, and eventually had the Squad he wanted.

Tesla Lindocruz had showed up at some point, and he was now the fourth seat of the Ninth Division instead of the Third.

Nobody was quite sure why, but there was a suspicion that he couldn't go without Nnoitra for more than a day or however long they'd been here.

After Kensei was done reviewing his Squad and Shuhei had gotten special issues of the Seireitei Communication out to everyone, the two stepped back and reviewed their handiwork. "Yeah," Kensei said, nodding. "This will work."

* * *

It had been quite busy in the Twelfth Division. Both Kurotsuchis had mysteriously disappeared, and Hiyori had taken over, appointing Akon her lieutenant because 'he's the only one around here who knows what he's fucking doing.'

Akon was celebrating finally being promoted.

Even though he was fairly certain that Hiyori had drugged both Kurotsuchis and tied them up in a basement somewhere. He didn't know which basement. They had a lot of basements in the Twelfth, most of them full of dangerous specimens that they hadn't known what to do once they were caught and had just decided to just shove down there.

Akon hoped that Nemu wasn't getting mauled right now. Even though it was creepy because he had (presumably) helped make her, she was hot.

Also he liked the short skirt.

What was he doing?

Oh, right. More Arrancar-to-Shinigami. They'd perfected the procedure, and were now working on Tesla Lindocruz, because only the Third Division let anyone join.

The other Divisions had standards.

"Akon!"

"What?" Akon asked. Him and Hiyori had bonded over the hitting Shinji with a shoe experience, and now they didn't hate each other so much. At least, she didn't try to kill him as much and he didn't call her a demon bitch from hell in his head.

Very much.

* * *

**It's kind of been a while since I've updated this, hasn't it?**

**Oops.**


	14. Chapter Fourteen: The Plot of Squad 3

Tatsuki Arisawa, while on her break, decided to check out the rest of the Seireitei. And maybe try to beat that blue-haired guy that had been terrorizing the outskirts of Rukongai. But she'd heard that Ikkaku and Yumichika had gone to go take care of him, so she decided maybe that wasn't such a good idea. She hadn't been in the Soul Society for long, but she'd soon learned that members of Squad Eleven were very possessive of their opponents.

Also they were all obsessed with Ichigo for some reason.

Actually, everyone was obsessed with Ichigo.

Maybe the reason she wasn't a main character was because she wasn't obsessed enough with Ichigo.

There's some food for thought.

But, anyway.

Maybe she should visit Mizuiro? No, he was probably busy. Last she'd heard he'd been made the lieutenant of Squad Three. Even though Tatsuki was pretty sure that Squad Three already _had _a lieutenant. But that didn't matter, probably. It wasn't like Squad Three was going to rise from the ashes of the Soul Society and take over the Soul Society, causing the Royal Guard to come down right after Squad Three nearly destroyed everybody.

And it wasn't like the Royal Guard was going to take Ichigo (and Rukia and Renji and Byakuya, for some odd reason) away.

And it wasn't like Unohana was actually some former psychopath and that she was going to go fight with Kenpachi and it's not like they were going to see cute, young, Lord of the Flies-esque Kenpachi.

Wait, what?

That's just the recent manga chapters, replacing Quincies with Squad Three?

Where did that come from?

Anyway, anyway, anyway. Tatsuki was wandering around, when she ran into someone who looked oddly familiar.

Said oddly familiar person swore at her and jumped to his feet.

Tatsuki looked up from her position on the ground. This person stretched up to about seven feet tall, long black hair – hey, where'd the eyepatch gone? – and weird teeth.

Nnoitra Jiruga.

"What are you doing here?" Tatsuki asked. Nnoitra folded his arms over his chest.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he said, sneering. Tatsuki jumped up.

"Yeah, I would, actually," she said. "You're an Arrancar-"

"Nope!" Nnoitra said, mouth stretching into a grin. "Not anymore, bitch. Full-fledged Shinigami. Not even a fuckin' lieutenant, though… hey! How the hell'd you get to be a lieutenant?"

"Guess you picked the wrong squad," Tatsuki said, smirking a little and turning to walk away. Nnoitra grabbed her arm, and Tatsuki looked back at him. "What."

* * *

Mizuiro thought that there was something maybe a bit _wrong _with his captain.

It wasn't the ever-present grin.

It wasn't the fact that whenever anyone visited Squad Three, Mizuiro had to take care of everything because whenever anyone saw Captain Ichimaru they either ran screaming in the other direction or tried to attack him. Or burst into tears. Or, on one memorable occasion, all three.

No, it was the fact that Captain Gin Ichimaru had left Rangiku Matsumoto at one point.

Any man who did _that, _even if it was to go kill some guy that had taken her spiritual pressure or whatever (Captain Ichimaru had explained this to him, but he hadn't really paid attention. He was too busy wondering why he'd abandoned Rangiku Matsumoto.), had to be certifiably insane. Or gay.

Was Captain Ichimaru gay?

No, Mizuiro didn't think so.

Captain Ichimaru was insane.

But now Squad Three had a few members. There was him, and Orihime was third seat, Ichigo was fourth seat, Ichigo's girlfriend was fifth seat (her name was Sun-Sun or something like that; Mizuiro wasn't very concerned about what her name was, she didn't matter.). They used to have one more, but he'd run off to join Squad Nine.

Stupid efficient Squad Nine.

Where was he going with this again?

* * *

Tesla Lindocruz was enjoying Squad Nine. After the abject horrors of him turning from Arrancar to Shinigami, he'd become the new fourth seat of Squad Nine, and also Shuhei Hisagi had convinced him to get a sixty-nine tattoo. It was on his shoulder, so that it wasn't quite as obvious. He wasn't quite sure how Orihime would react to it.

Better than Nnoitra, who was considering getting one on his tongue.

Tesla wasn't sure what was up with Nnoitra and tongue tattoos, but he was planning on getting Nnoitra those Fruit Roll-Ups that, if one were to press them on one's tongue, gives you tongue tattoos.

This was a great idea.

Once he had some time to get to the world of the living.

Unless he could convince Squad Twelve to make them…

Anyway. Tesla had quickly established himself in the office of the Seireitei Newsletter, and was now working on a piece about Arrancer to Shinigami-ness. They'd just gotten an issue of the Seireitei Newsletter out, of course, but this was a very intense time in the Soul Society, so there would probably be quite a few more.

Just as he was trying to figure out how to finish it off, Tia Halibel entered the room. She was still an Arrancar – Tesla had heard that everyone else had been turned Shinigami, apart from Grimmjow, who was still wandering around Rukongai, fighting people and looking for his small Shinigami friend – and Tesla wondered if he should sound the 'Arrancar Alarm.' Then he figured that she probably wasn't going to kill anybody because she was actually pretty reasonable.

"Um," Tesla said. "Hello."

"Hello," she said, then proceeded to block the door of the office, and all the windows. Tesla just kind of sat there and watched, feeling more awkward by the second.

"Um. What exactly are you doing?"

"They're chasing me," she said. "All of my Fracciones have been turned into Shinigami, and now they want to turn me, too."

"You probably should have headed for the Third Division," Tesla said. "They don't have standards and would probably just make you part of the Squad with no questions asks."

"I was there," she said. Tesla didn't know if he'd ever heard her talk this much before. "I do not like Gin Ichimaru."

"Does anybody?"

* * *

The real villain of Bleach and his hot ninja female friend were planning.

For their birthday which was in a month.

But also for taking over the world, using Squad Three as a red herring.

Also they had to decide what kind of cake to get.

* * *

**and here we go**


End file.
